Cato

What are YOU on? How Lance Armstrong let me down.

“I don’t really following cycling, unless they’re in my lane when I’m driving” – Ellen.

Couldn’t have said it better myself. So I didn’t even try. But that’s the beauty of the Lance Armstrong era: He managed to make cycling cool. So much so that as a kid I used to watch (let’s be honest: just pieces of) the Tour de France: to see Lance. I used to watch and wonder “Geez, how many times IS this guy gonna win this thing?”. Well it turns out with one ball and two wheels he was gonna crush it seven times. Not several…SEVEN. And with every win he would capture a bigger audience, stand for something bigger and become an even bigger inspiration and rolemodel to millions of people, including myself. Here was this guy who’d beat cancer, beat the odds and beat the world’s toughest race seven times. Seven friggen times. Not once, not 3 times, seven. The first time he was considered a winner, the second a pro, the third lucky and by the seventh a legend.

It was really difficult to pity yourself in the Lance era. Am I a cancer survivor? No. Have I only got one…let’s say boob? No. Have I overcome the odds and won the Tour de France? No. So stop complaining and count your blessings. That was my mantra. And I’m an avid supporter of the underdog, so when the allegations started, I felt just as defiant as he was. I was sure it was just a witch hunt. I mean, us humans have a history of trying to keep a good man down… you do too well and there’s obviously no way you could’ve done it. Like there’s no way William Shakespeare could’ve written all those masterpieces, obviously he was picking Francis Bacon’s brain. Or that’s what the conspiracies say. You see how messed up that is? So I fight for the underdog coz my stance is this: “Why the hell not?”. Why the hell can’t people be amazing? It’s what we’re wired to do. So I was team Lance. He was hounded, but he stayed strong. Livestrong, right? And as the accusations got stronger, so did his retorts. Until it reached the pivotal point, the moment that changed my life. The French had accused Lance of doping (again!) so he came out with an ad…the one that changed my life. It’s the ultimate “screw you”! 

In it Lance says: “Everybody wants to know what I’m on. What am I on? I’m on my bike, 6 hours a day, busting my ass. What are you on?”

Goosebumps, right?

Well he just admitted (to Oprah, no less) that he’s been on EPO, testorone and human growth hormones since the mid 1990’s.

Well, screw you Lance. Because for all of those years I believed you were the exception. That you were exceptional. That you were the guy who beat cancer, beat the Tour de France. You were a friggen hero. But now it turns out that you’re just a druggie who likes riding his bike around France. Thanks Lance! Now every time I think someone is exceptional, I’m going to ask them to pee in a cup. That’s your legacy.

Pop Lovers: Here’s all the music you’ll need today…in one song!

This is why I love mashups! I could listen to this on repeat. Scratch that. I’ve already got it on repeat. 

Tom Hanks the pageant dad… I LOL’ed. Like lots. :’D

There should be an award for TV moments like these. Not like a Grammy or a Daytime Emmy. No, something bigger. Something bigger. Like a Noble Peace and Laughter prize. Coz goodness knows laughing this loudly has brought lotsa peace (and obvs laughter) to my admin filled day. Hope it can do the same for you. :)

Have brain, will use. So why the hell am I addicted to Bachelor Pad?!

If I had to describe myself in 3 words (yuck!), I’d probably say: educated woman with a sense of humor and a bullshit filter that’s set on high. Like I always say: Have brain. Will use… So why the hell am I watching Bachelor Pad? Like religiously? Why?!

Oh by the way, this isn’t one of those posts where I ask a rhetorical question and then take you on a journey of self-realization so that we both come to the same conclusion in the end. Nope! This is just me thinking out loud and secretly hoping that someone will help a sister out and pop the answer in the comments section.

See, I always poke fun at people who watch programs like Keeping up with the Kardashians and know the names of all the people in Honey Boo Boo’s entourage. You shouldn’t be wasting your time on them. At least that’s what I said until one day, in a moment of weakness, I myself was curled up on the couch watching The Bachelor. Then The Bachelorette. And then Bachelor Pad. The friggen Bachelor Pad! After watching three seasons and two reunions, I am so addicted. So very addicted. And so very embarrassed.

So embarrassed that I secretly record the episodes, secretly watch them and then secretly feel guilty until I secretly repeat the process a week later. I’m like those people they do exposes on on Discovery channel. You know… the ones that live double lives. That’s me for the 6 weeks that Bachelor Pad is on. Sneaky, embarrassed Cato. 

And much like anyone who’s doing something they shouldn’t I’ve always got an excuse ready when I get caught: “It’s for research!” Which is partially true, right? But that excuse only works so many times on anyone. Including my poor boyfriend who sometimes has to listen to me to talk about my new BFF’s Blake and Holly or Ashley and JP.

So why am I so drawn to something that seems so out of character? The part of me that feels the need to justify my addiction will say that I watch it for psychological reasons. Not my own, but because I’m interested in psychology. It’s fun to profile the contestants: to analyze their movements, breakdown their body language, guess whether they’re telling the truth, sass out the scripted bits and of course predict who will end up with who. I break down the chemistry by yelling “He’s just not that into you” at the tv. :-P

That said, there has to be something more to it. Something that would explain why, after watching the second season of Bachelor Pad, I felt the need to Google “Blake & Holly”… just to see if they’re still living happily ever after.

Maybe it’s just that simple: I’m a romantic, a sucker for romance and a happy ending. Aren’t we all? Isn’t that why the Notebook is now a thing. As in “you’ve been Notebooked”. Or maybe it’s coz I’m one of those people who loves to stare, to people watch and to get lost in the story I’m eavesdropping on at the cafe. Bachelor Pad lets me watch, judge, analyze without getting caught. I get to go “Dammit! She’s hot. Wish I had a body like that.” or “Thank goodness I’m not Vienna. She’s bat shit crazy!”

There is a downside to my new found hobby though: Whether it’s intentional or not you’re bound to end up comparing yourself to the people you see on screen. For every moment I’m happily watching, there’s that moment where my own life will feel slightly less significant, my waistline will feel like a weight belt and my own tiny imperfections become full-blown issues in my mind.

Coz common, let’s be real for a moment, who hasn’t had E! Envy? I mean really? These people are friggen gorgeous! There’s no such thing as “bad lighting” or a “bad photo”. And honestly, I’d love to be that person! I’d give a small fortune (that I don’t have) to look like any of the Bachelor Pad contestants, they’re smoking hot!

Luckily, I’m a pretty grounded gal so those thoughts don’t last long. Anyway, perfect is boring. Case and point: the fascination with Honey Boo Boo. A not so perfect, not so classy yet totally relatable family from the states. Did you know? More people tuned in to Honey Boo Boo than the Republican National Convention this year. And I get it. Being a (potencial) president is about making sure you’re the perfect human being. But that’s boring. I wanna see people make mistakes, push the boundaries and quite frankly not give a damn. The Obama’s are “perfect”. Honey Boo Boo is not. Not at all. 

There’s a lesson here, I promise: Because reality tv shows bring out the best and the worst in people they can provide some can’s and cant’s for your daily life. Like: no one likes a crazy bitch, but sometimes just bitch is acceptable. Giuliana Rancic will tell you that your bed sheets should be a colour that suits your skintone so you always look good in bed (you’re welcome). And Honey Boo Boo can teach you that you shouldn’t feed your 6 year old energy drinks but that ANYBODY can brand themselves and make a few bucks.

See? I still don’t have the answers and am still secretly hoping you pop the answer in the comments section. But I guess what I’m trying to say is: Reality TV can teach me valuable life lessons provided I ALWAYS take it with a pinch of salt. And when it stops being entertaining, starts taking away from my self-esteem or stops teaching, I just grab the remote and press “off”.

And that’s just enough on Reality TV. Well almost… In case you have NO idea what I’m talking about here’s a quick peek into my not-so-secret indulgence. :) 

Bored at the office? Here’s an idea… :-P

It’s crazy, it’s colorful, it’s beautiful and it’s sticky!! I dare say it’s better than bubblewrap!

Can Taylor Swift lyrics work as pick up lines? A guy’s gotta try… :)

This is Tommy Wooldridge, a major Taylor Swift fan and a downright gentlemen. Can he use Taylor Swift lyrics to find him a girl? You’ll just have to click and see. 

Adorable, right? 

My favourite comment so far: MARRY ME. If you did this to me I would have been humiliated because i would have said YES!! I’m a guy. Seriously, let’s spoon.

No doubt he’ll find love soon. :-P

I do… like these proposal videos!

I’m not the type of girl who’s been dreaming of her wedding every since she was a little girl, I don’t have a Pinterest board filled with ideas for my big day nor have I ever secretly worked on wedding vows for my future hubby. That said, every now and then I do find myself appreciating a beautiful wedding gown that’s popped up in my newsfeed or a proposal video that’s gone viral… I am after all still a romantic. ;) So that leads me to this post: recently I happened to stumble upon one of said video’s which I thought I’d share that with you. And then I added one of my favs for good measure. For the record though: If it were me, I’d marry the guy in the second video and kill the one in the first. ;)

This is why dogs bite people :-P

Probably my fav comment on the video:

Who knew Twilight could be so funny?

Whale vomit, Rihanna and Jersey Shore. And they’re entirely unrelated. :) #JustEnoughNews

Someone recently told me that I should talk about my feelings. So here they are: I don’t like winter. It makes me sad. I mean seriously. How long can a human survive without vitamin D? Not very long, I tell you. Not very long. So thank goodness the weather’s looking up. Coz good weather leads to good moods that lead to the spreading of good news, bad news, all news really. Hmmmmm… so where to start? How bout here?

Rihanna has reportedly been asked to join Coldplay for the closing ceremony of the Paralympic games in London. Rumor has it they’ll be singing ‘Princess of China’. Sound choice, Chris. Relevant too, seeing as China will probably walk away with most of the medals.

Team SA has been doing really well at said games. When I wrote this we already had 10 medals in the bag: 2 Gold, 4 Silver, 4 Bronze. Good job!! AND they’ll get to see the Coldplay/Rihanna gig live. Lucky them!

Some people have all the luck! An eight year old schoolboy has picked up a piece of whale vomit that could be worth £40,000 ($63,462/R533,840) on his local beach. Whale vomit. I kid you not! Apparently it’s pretty rare, worth a fortune and is used in perfume. Great! Not only don’t I ever have such luck, I just realized I spritz myself with whale vomit every morning. Gross! :-P

More bad luck: I only managed to catch the last bit of this week’s Formula One race. I’m so bleak! Apparently there was a safety car after Grosjean took out Hamilton on the first corner, Raikonnen’s car sucked (he still managed a 3^rd place) and Jenson Button won. [SO bleak.] What I do know though is that the championship race is now tighter than ever and I will NEVER miss another race. (I’ve added alerts on my calendar. #OrganisedAddict :P)

Oh my soul, I just remembered: (edit: how on earth did I not lead with this story?) MTV HAS CANCELED JERSEY SHORE! Let’s hear it for the human race, everybody! There’s hope for us yet. Well, until Snooki’s baby starts drinking. But that’s a problem for our kids’ generation. (Good luck [and sorry bout that] future mini-me :P).

Hmm… what else am I forgetting?

-       WP beat the Blue Bulls 42-6 in the Currie Cup! 

-       And this! Steps to make your day better.

Have a smashing Monday! And remember to keep an eye out during the week for more posts. I’m full of surprises.